I wanted to first express gratitude for men I’ve been meeting over the past 20 years who truly have a connection to Spirit, are doing their own personal healing, and are carrying out some form of mission to help us all individually and collectively to awaken. A number of these men are also very aware of gender issues and are taking steps to heal relations between men and women, and honor the Feminine. Some of them are impressively and movingly developing themselves as ascended beings, truly embodying the principles of love and consciousness in action.

While most of the circles in today’s spiritual communities (be they evolutionary or more traditional) presently consist of women, there are these kinds of men who show up. Some of them are learners, some of them are teachers, some of them are professional healers.

So I want to say thank you to all such men of heart & soul. The world needs you, and more of you.

I also have some observations & suggestions to help male spiritual teachers & healing practitioners become even more aware, particularly when it comes to how they relate to women students & clients. This is based on my own experiences & my private work with women. My communication is offered lovingly, in the spirit of understanding that we ALL have things to learn, and that sometimes we can be assisted in this by receiving a little feedback.

I’ll bring in a real-life story I’ll call “a tale of two teachers.” A couple of years ago, a woman participated in a workshop with two men at the helm. She could tell both of them thought she was attractive.

One man wore a wedding ring & was honoring of the woman but didn’t have a flirty vibe toward her. The other man did not wear a wedding ring & was communicating to her a solicitous energy she read as “I’m available.” She was interested & began the dance with him.

It took her 24 hours & a conversation with this man in which she had to delicately initiate questions to figure out that he was married, too. She was disappointed – and angry.

What was the difference between the two men? The woman’s conclusions: One man had his second chakra under control & the other one didn’t. One man had clean body language & the other one didn’t. One man knew how to be a leader without drawing women in & the other one didn’t.

In fact, this woman was able to figure out something key from the confusing morass: The other one wasn’t just a player, he actually thought he was “honoring the goddess” & “being loving” by treating her in the ways he did. She was dismayed to find that when she declined an invitation from him to continue the relationship “as friends,” based on the fact that he was married, he expressed no awareness that he’d been at all inappropriate – and gave her an unconvincing justification as to why he doesn’t wear a wedding ring.

Many women can identify with this kind of scenario, which is often replayed with numerous variations in spiritual circles.

On the practitioner front, some men in the healing or mentoring professions end up stepping over the professional boundary & asking their clients out. Other male practitioners who are in committed relationships send out confusing signals, or use the intimacy of the connection with the female client to make up for something missing in their romantic relationship.

I believe what may be going on here is that spiritual men in teaching & practitioner positions can easily mix up their heart chakra with their second chakra. They may unknowingly express honoring of the feminine or unconditional love through subtle (even culturally programmed) behaviors that are more skewed toward the sexual than the platonic. Part of the problem is that, unlike in the psychotherapy profession, in the spiritual domain there are no guidelines for proper protocol when it comes to the sexual boundary.

The request here is for male spiritual teachers & practitioners to consider educating themselves more fully about this matter. Being a teacher will often attract lots of attention & projection, whether it’s wanted or not, and it can stir things within both teacher & student that are, well, “messy.” But this can provide an opportunity for greater awareness & new behaviors. Spiritual teaching or healing is as professional a job as psychotherapy & it requires full-on integrity & very clear boundaries.

We all know just how awry things can go between female students & male teachers, who are in the social position of privilege, as evidenced in the numerous stories of gurus who have had sexual relations with their students. In my work with clients, I’ve seen how this has traumatized the female students involved, and eventually the entire spiritual community of which they are a part. But even lesser such boundary violations can lead to confusion, disappointment, anger, drama, and even trauma for women.

So here are some starter suggestions on creating good sexual boundaries for anyone who works with clients or students:

• Notice what’s going on with your second chakra. Is it neutral & calm, or activated? If you don’t know, start becoming aware of this chakra from an energetic as well as physical perspective. When is it open? When is it closed? How much? Can you adjust it consciously to keep mastery over your space?

• Notice what’s going on with your body language. Are you doing the front-to-front posture that leads to cord connections with another person, or are you angling your body slightly so as to keep your channels clear?

• Notice what’s going on with your eyes. Are you deeply penetrating into the other’s eyes (usually experienced as a form of seduction), or are you occasionally moving your eyes around? Are you looking at body parts or are you keeping it above the neck?

• Notice what’s going on with your speech. Are you speaking in intimate tones, or are you setting an energetic boundary by speaking a bit more loudly? Are you creating an intimacy by getting into your or the other person’s personal stuff, or are you keeping it professional? Are you bringing in some humor to keep it light & deflect any flirtatious energies that might be coming toward you? Do you know when to end the conversation despite the other person’s desire to hang on? Are you inviting your client or student to engage outside the session or class? What’s that about?

• Notice what’s going on with your relationship. If you’re married, are you leaving your marital status ambiguous or are you wearing a ring, which will send a clear message? If you’re in a committed relationship, do you find a way to give a clear verbal signal about that upfront (“we live in Long Island…” or “my partner is…”, etc.), or do you hedge & hide that fact? If so, what’s really going on for you?

• Notice what’s going on with your clothing. Is your clothing revealing or a bit more modest?

I hope these suggestions will stimulate a bit of awareness & public dialogue. It may even inspire people to offer some teachings about Keeping Clear Sexual Boundaries as a Spiritual Teacher. We could certainly all use that.

May we all continue to assist one another in the awakening process with clarity and love.