I’m sharing here something of my personal journey this last month & a half as an offering that might assist you. I also show how this type of inner work can be a huge blessing in liberating our world of negative energies on the collective level. This reflects the great philosophical principle that “the innie is the outie & the outie is the innie,” as my comedy beings Gloria & Silvia put it.

Like many of you, in this strange time of enforced semi-isolation I’ve been confronted with my deepest wounds. With less to distract me & fewer places to go, I’m looking my childhood trauma square in the eye. And I’ve been experiencing nothing less than PTSD, the reliving of memories & episodes that caused me so much pain.

It has seemed capricious & strangely random, like… Why this? Why now? Hadn’t I dealt with this… sort of?

And then I realized there was a logical timing to it & a bigger reason. The pain is still there. And I need to move the energy as a part of my own IN-scension. I can’t take it with me if I want to enter into 5D & the New Earth. That doesn’t mean roughly trying to cut it out or doing a bypass. It means lovingly facing & dissolving it.

What I’ve Been Dealing With

I’ve spoken about this trauma on & off over the years, generally in broad outlines. But now I’d like to get a bit more specific so that you really get a sense of what my particular trauma looked like & how I’ve been working with it lately in a way that feels like it’s bringing me some true healing. There have been worse situations & there have been better situations; this is simply how my particular karma played out.

The particular memories that have been knifing me in the belly lately are as follows:

• I’m recalling the feeling tone of loneliness after my mother died when I was 10 years old. The house got very quiet. The beautiful Italian-American post-church Sunday family dinners we had every week ended. My mother has been the grounding rod for all of those spaghetti & meatball extravaganzas, and without her there, my family lost its center. My father was apparently not terribly interested in bringing my two brothers & me to our beloved Grandmother or Aunt ~ or to invite them over ~ to try to pick up the slack. Silence. Silence in the house.

• I’m recalling an episode where the female caretaker who was subsequently brought into our lives one time began beating my three-year-old brother at the dinner table so hard that his crying was suspended in midair & his breathing momentarily stopped for what seemed like an eternity to me. She was out of control & her cruelty and impatience with my brother crossed a line. My horror, fear & grief in witnessing this can hardly be expressed. The worst part was my feeling of helplessness. There was nothing I could safely do in this demonically possessed atmosphere.

• I am recalling the fact that this caretaker got it into her mind that my brother was fat, and that she needed to put him on a diet that lasted years. I remember at some point realizing that he was undernourished, and his hair had become dull like the children from poor countries whose images were shown to us on television. As an adult, he tells me that he remembers being hungry much of the time. The memory of that dull hair again sends horrific grief throughout my soul.

• I’m recalling that this caretaker put my brother to bed at 5 o’clock every night for years so as to get one of the seven children now under her care out of the way. He told me that he was not tired & he’d have to amuse himself in his bed until the other children came up, it was nighttime, and sleep could come upon him. My grief, my grief in knowing that he was upstairs & there was little I could safely do.

• I’m recalling that for several summers in a row, my brother would regularly contract impetigo supposedly from swimming in the local public lake, a condition that would scab up. The female caretaker somehow thought that the way to treat it was to roughly scrub the scabs off every day & apply bacitracin, as my brother screamed. One time she set me to the task. At least one time. Maybe more. I cannot fully remember how I handled this. I know that I complied & I pray that I was not rough.

• I am recalling feeling alone, unsafe, anxious & frightened nearly every moment of everyday of my life from the time I was 11 years old until the time I left for college, because there was a constant barrage of violent energy, abuse, bullying & gaslighting in the house from this caretaker & her four troubled & abusive sons.

There are various other moods, moments & memories, but these are the ones that seem to constellate the pain the most.

Going Back in Time

I was going round & round with these memories until finally I was offered a Quantum Meditation session by my friend Nicola D’Alonzo. She took me through a process of going back to the key moment where my brother was being beaten, and calling in various divine helpers. I was taken through a journey to imprint the energy of this new version of the event, one that I was then to repeat for 21 subsequent days. I am still in the midst of that process.

During these meditations over these 21 days, I sometimes find myself absolutely howling in abject grief over this & some of the other memories. I’m recognizing that this is the howling that I needed to do as a child but was not able to. On Valentine’s Day night, the howling & grief were so inconsolable that not even calling in Mother Mary & Jesus could help. I felt them simply standing witness as my knees buckled under me. Eventually, exhausted, I went to bed.

In the days following, I suddenly felt a subtle lightness within me. The extreme feelings of loneliness & anxiety has lifted somewhat and there was something of a core of light within me.

I thought to myself: This must be the fruits of finally going into the bottom rung of the grief.

At my meditation altar I have thus taken up going through some of these other memories as well, and getting myself to the place of the horror & the grief, feeling it, expressing it.

I sense that the Masters know not to interfere with what I must to go through. I must face the existential pain on my own, knowing that their witnessing & the witnessing of my Divine Self are assisting with some kind of alchemical process.

Things have continued to feel lighter within me.

This is the journey on the road to the release of this karma.

The Innie is the Outie

I learned this past Friday that on the night of February 16, one of our beautiful oracles on the planet, Elizabeth April, was called to help orchestrate a nighttime battle at one of the portals over Russia that has been a stronghold of negative beings who have been enslaving our planet. She spearheaded & gathered thousands of human souls on the astral plane to throw off these forces with a great push of light.

I thought it was remarkable that this event corresponded more or less with the timing of my own inner push, followed by the feeling of lightning that began this week.

I understood then that this work of liberation from the interdimensional forces of horror can be done either internally or externally ~ or both. For the same forces that have been hijacking the portal over Russia hijack all of us, entering into our auric fields, latching on, and supping of our misery.

As I see it, now is the time of the great realization that this phenomenon has been going on here in our world for hundreds if not thousands of years. This is the time of the great reckoning. This is the time of the great release.

It takes courage. The courage to go inward, or sometimes the courage to go outward. The effect is the same: going through the arduous experience of the negative emotions in order to throw off the beings associated with them & reassert sovereignty ~ over one’s being & over our planet.

So I invite you to think about what might assist you in this regard. If you’ve been experiencing chronic conditions such as anxiety, depression, loneliness, repetitive impulses, addictions, rages & the like, it means something big is underneath there that wants to be faced now. Is it time for you to go inward & embrace your hell with courage? Can you find assistance through a friend or a professional or a divine guide… not to take the pain away but to help you as you truly face it & move through it as a critical part of the release?

This is how you can help not only yourself, but our planet right now. That will fortify you for the larger global work.