Or… who’s teaching whom?

This past eclipse month I’ve been faced with the karmic nut of my life, the thorn in my side, the splinter in my toe that won’t go away: my relationship with the adults who raised me. This is a story of abandonment and abuse, mixed with sacrifice, duty, good intentions and negative entities.

Sound familiar? My story is just my personal cocktail of poisons on what (in its negative aspect) we may call “trauma planet” earth. I’m now being faced with dealing with it all, front & center, as I consider relocating to the Hudson Valley in NY. I guess: It’s time.

As my father grapples with a fast-acting leukemia and 7 rounds of chemotherapy, I’m having to figure out how I’m going to handle things after many years of estrangement from my parental figures. I’m feeling called to some level of presence & engagement. As a woman of spirit who has felt severely damaged by these folks, how will I do this?

Nothing Is Really Destroyed

After the death of my mother, a new family constellation brought complexities & abuse patterns couched as normal & justified human behavior. Life became my own constant dark night of the soul & private holocaust.

In some senses I feel that my life was destroyed by this. I was broken apart, wounded, and made to be terribly afraid.

A family member who bore the brunt of the abuse has become my teacher, which in itself is humbling, given that I’m supposed to be the spiritual one. That individual has done something I have not yet been able to do: forgiven our imperfect caretakers, and found a way to be in relationship with them.

In Mama Cacao ceremony I was shown about this:

     • No one is really destroyed by anything. We just receive teachings our soul wanted to experience. My family members & I have not been destroyed. We have received our needed karmic lessons & sacred Chironic wounds, which has given those of us who want to work with them consciously the opportunity to evolve spiritually in exponentially rapid ways.

     • Having opened up empathetically to the pain of my caretakers as they face death is a step in the right direction for me.

     • The forgiving of these caretakers, the most challenging people for me in this lifetime, will end my reptilian karma.

     • These caretakers do not need to act in any particular way in order for me to be in my heart toward them.

     • Whatever the cause or spur for the negative behaviors, it is not up to me to explain or teach them about that. It is only my role to set a firm but lovingly conscious boundary if the behavior reaches out to me again. This is what I was not able to do as a child, and doing it as an adult will likely complete this cycle.

     • Even if this backfires, I can still be in my heart around them. I do not need to fight with them.

Being back on the East Coast, where all the traumas began in this lifetime, I am encountering a lot of Mars energy. My next leg of spiritual growth is to work with this Mars energy with consciousness. When you work with any astrological energy with consciousness, you are able to be anywhere & be free.

This is what the eclipses have opened up for me. May all of our journeys be blessed.

With love,
Dove